It's official: I'm 40, and I listen to They Might Be Giants
I mean, the music is fantastic and it's the perfect dad-bod altrock for any 90s kid. I'm older than I've ever been, and now I'm even older
How do I feel across the rubicon of back pain and gray hairs? I don't know. Courtney Barnett tells us that it is okay to sometimes just sit and think, and sometimes to just sit. I feel like sitting, though I know that's not feasible at this juncture. I move for my boys, and when I do sit I tend to overthink whether it is the right moment for rest.
What do I do at this stage of life, where my vision is almost totally dominated by two children and my obligations toward them? I really love fatherhood, but I wish I started earlier. I strain my patience navigating their wants vs their needs, and I don't have the physical energy or stamina to keep up with them. The first part is the greater challenge, but the second is solvable if only I had the time and wherewithal to make changes -- I used to work out five days a week for two hour stretches in order to prepare for long through-hiking, I know it's doable. Where do I find the time in any day, though?
Anyways, that's what is on my mind. I'm writing this with zero hours of restful sleep; I couldn't sleep a moment last night, and I don't know why, and I miss the days of knowing.